September 22, 2017

IT ALL MATTERS

DRESS: ZARA | SHOES: ZARA | SUNGLASSES: OLD | BAG: VINTAGE




I got some really tough news this week. Its been sitting with me for days and I just can't shake it. A cloud of brokenness is literally strangling the life from my generation. Everyone's walking around with pretend smiles while broken inside. No one wants to be vulnerable anymore. Fake it till you make it, the death of genuine men and woman. Everyone has walls up, afraid to look like they aren't "keeping up". When did struggle become a stigma? When did the journey to success become unacceptable. I read this quote the other day that said Every success is trailed by multiple failures. Why does everyone wants to skip that part? We wanna max out our credit cards to buy the latest designer bag now, or go into debt buying the latest 2018 luxury car instead of making the necessary sacrifices now to live well later, when we can actually afford it. Why are we more worried about "keeping up" than building? Everyone is afraid to look like less than everyone else's highlight reel. Keep the broke inside, slap a smile on your face and put one foot in front of the other. Mask it. Hide it. No one has to know. The result: Broken hearts. Broken spirits. Broken dreams. Broken families. So just a little about me. I went to school for psychology. I started college in 2006, right as the recession hit. Fashion was unpredictable and psychology was stable. So I signed my life over to my second choice. By third year I was acing all my core classes but I didn't feel happy or fulfilled. I was having panic attacks every other day. My heart was with fashion. And I knew I couldn't keep trying to suppress it. I knew I would regret doing something that I didn't love love just for the sake of a six figure salary. So I got my degree and never looked back. But that girl is still in there. The girl with crazy intuition, a love for people and a gift for healing and reconciliation is still in there. She never left. I care about people. My heart breaks for people whose hearts are broken. So I now feel God's calling on my life to do something to heal my generation. I know that I can't help everyone, wish i could but I do want to be apart of the change that I want to see in the world. I want to be apart of the uplifters, healers, motivators, leaders who dismantle the cloud I was talking about. I want to see more transparency. The struggle to glory, because success is not overnight. So it starts with me. More often then not I forget how lucky I am to have the family and friends that I do. Off the top of my head I can easily name 10+ people who I know that I know that I know love and care for me deeply. This is not the norm and I take it so for granted. And then something devastating happens close to home and I realize how truly blessed I am. I am not going to get into detail about what has my heart heavy BUT i will say that it is so important that we are mindful of how we treat people and what we say out of our mouths. It matters. I'm going to say that again because I need you to understand that IT MATTERS. It matters to the people around you, the people who love you and even the stranger you pass on the street. The people closest to us have the ability to hurt us the most. We cannot be so mindless about our actions or frivolous with our words. Especially our words. You can either speak life or you can speak death. You can be the reason someone steps away from the ledge or you can be their final straw. So be present. Please, please please, take a second to think about the affect that your words and actions will have on someone before you move forward to do or speak. I really cannot say this enough. Speak life. Speak hope. Speak restoration. Speak healing. Speak reconciliation. Speak forgiveness. Speak love. Always be quick to tell the people you love and care about how much they mean to you. Do not take them for granted thinking that they will always be there or that they already know. And if you have the ability to make someones day, make someone's day. Be transparent when you can because your story may be what someone needs to pursue their dream. Your encouraging word may be the motivation someone needs to get out of bed in the morning. Your expression of care or concern may be the ah ha moment someone needs to get help for their struggle with mental illness, abuse, addiction, etc. Your spoken "i love you" of act of love can be someone's next breath.

September 8, 2017

WHAT'S THE HOLD UP








Jacket: Zara | Bustier: Topshop | Shoes: Zara 

I'm beyond exhausted of being asked that day old question: "why am I single?" Mainly in part because the sentence right after goes something like "you must be picky or difficult". If I wanna talk about the "worldly" reasons why I am single this could take all day. But my pause is completely a spiritual/personal decision to take time & take care of me so that I can be the woman that the man God fashioned for me deserves. Highly doubtful that I'm the only girl who still believes that God has one person for every person. But the truth is that we were all made to love one person only. Literally dating anyone other than that person is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole or what ever other shapes that don't fit together. It just doesn't work. And it will never work. No matter how much you love someone. No matter how much you give. No matter how hard you try to be the person for that person, it just won't work. So I guess what I am saying is that I am on pause for the square to fit my square or whatever. It's super funny (but not) that every time I have a conversation on dating with someone of the opposite sex. That conversation pretty much goes like... "tell me what your like in a relationship so I can tell you what you should be like". But the thing is that I cannot be fixed, not to be what any man other than my "square" needs or deserves. As far as relationships, I don't have many to speak of. I tend to go after those emotionally unavailable guys out there. You know, the ones that need fixing; the damsel in distress guy. At 28, I have survived two committed relationships and a bunch of "what are we's". My last relationship ended five years ago (insert flushed faced emoji here) but staying busy with my career & friends has kept me from identifying with being "single". I was literally that friend that was okay being a third wheel. Don't get me wrong I have been incredibly lucky to experience some of the most overwhelming, insane, "your the reason I breathe" kind of love. That "I would be okay if today was my last day on Earth" kinda love. I know that sounds pretty intense but I was made to love. How deeply I love is what makes me me. And even though I had fault in all my relationships I'm pretty sure that every one of my exes would agree. But five years is a long time and I wish I could say that I used this time wisely but singleness kinda smacked me in the face more recently. One thing I can say is that love has grown me in countless ways. It has revealed strengths I never knew I had but also highlighted many areas of opportunity. So with no other choice than to confront it I am forced to determined what the best version of Lexi looks like. Relationships end and everyone wants to blame the other person but connections are never ruined by one or the other. It's a relationship and both people play a part in why it fell apart. Me, I love so hard and selflessly that when my relationships end I always feel taken advantage of. But I realize that I love out of insecurity, a need to be needed, self identity and value. I was that girl in a relationship that looked for approval like "you tell me what I like to eat, wear, and do for fun". Kinda like that girl who was supposed to marry Prince Hakeem in the beginning of Coming to America. That was me. Anything for approval. Looking back I realize how unattractive this is, it literally casts a shadow over every other thing you have going for you. And if there is one thing I have learned is that in order to have a successful relationship (or friendship even) you have to come in knowing WHO THE HECK YOU ARE. The whole you cuz your other half ain't him. Secondly, you can't be trying to sell something you don't believe in, if you don't love yourself then why should he? Third, put God first (this is honestly number 1). And lastly, your relationship should be the cherry, not the whole cupcake. For me, dating stopped being dating for fun five years ago.  My interest is in meeting my husband, the man I'm going to do life with, who is going to  lead me in the word of God, raise my children, celebrate my successes, encourage me in my failures and push me to walk in my purpose. So I really took the time to reflect on my failed relationships and determined 1) What type of man do I want to be with? Gods best, consistent, does what he says, brings out the best in me, loves me in deed, concerned for me 2) What does he feel like? Home/magic and 3) How this relationship is different? He pursues me,  I feel safe, I'm a priority. Another thing I did was write down a list of my non-negotiables on "how to love me". In writing this list I realized the #1 way to love me is to: Trust Me. I can't be with someone who is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Walls up doesn't work for me. So to my sisters out there dealing with a recent breakup or lingering residual emotions linked to a failed relationship; look forward, what you could've done different doesn't matter now. Focus on how you can be a better partner in the future. Find your happy & love will come...and it's okay if it isn't tomorrow, the next day, the next year or five. God is preparing you for him, and him for you. I think we can all agree that you don't want to end up with a rushed version or with not Gods best for you. xx

August 19, 2017

STRONGER TOGETHER


Jacket: thrifted | Skirt: H&M  | Shoes: Zara
Is anyone else fed up at how the media capitalizes off women (especially African American woman) refusing to support each other? I sure am. I just don't quite get it. Why do we feel so threatened by each other? And more importantly why do we give our attention to such nonsense? That's why the bible says to guard your heart and mind. Reality tv (which is obviously staged) now speaks true to this generation on how we "should" interact with one another. I used to live and breath reality tv until one day I realized that I was developing a spirit of lust, discontent and materialism. I started hating myself because I didn't have this success or this love, or this portrayal of beauty. Honestly reality tv is a legal form of prostitution (defined as: the unworthy or corrupt use of one's talents for the sake of personal or financial gain). Your pimp (producer) asks you to do this for the tv audience (client) in exchange for money. All these woman are slaves to fame/power making them reckless and unfortunately these are the role models our children are looking up to because it "appears" that they have it all. What also concerns me is the lack of support for one another. I just be asking myself like why does another woman's beauty threaten your beauty, or her talent/success take away from yours? It doesn't! So why can't we come together to support, encourage and challenge each other so that we can take over the world as a unit. We were all were created to give something to this life. If me and you share a vision why can't we sit across from one another and bounce ideas rather than throw drinks,  and insults? As creatives we need one another to stay motivated, or maybe that's just me. I feel most motivated and inspired after talking to my fellow sisters who are also striving/struggling/thriving in pursuit of their purpose. It gets me excited. I really want to see my woman rise above society teaching us that we have to be at war with one another. Im trying to tell y'all, they want us to be at war with each other so we won't win. We are more of a threat when we are holding hands, just saying. It is hard enough being a woman in this world, not to add a woman of color. We are at war with our men, our employers, and the culture, we do not have to be at war with each other. Lets embrace and uplift one another. Lets come together and change the narrative. We are stronger together!!! I truly believe that. I created this blog to connect with my love of fashion but it is evolving more into a place where I connect with with my sisters in attempt to create a new normal- embrace ourselves, each other, our talents and waiting seasons. I don't want to hear another man use words like weak, damaged, insecure, reckless, victim, bitter or difficult to describe one of my sisters because I know it isn't true. We are strong, we are beautiful, we are gentle, we are foundations, we are life givers, we are survivors, we are one of a kind, we are thrivers, we are magic. Sisters, we have to be the narrators of our own stories. We have to stop letting the media, the culture and men speak for us. We have to let our actions speak for us. And we can only do this together. 

If you don't want to be weak,  know what you deserve and demand it (do not ask)

If you don't want to be a victim,  leave... (point blank period and that goes for relationships/careers/friendships). Stop putting your energy into things that don't serve you. 

If you don't want to be damaged, stop focusing on your failures (make defeat your fuel)

If you don't want to be insecure, love on yourself  (and not that surface "i'm a bad bih" love) Everyone can see thru that. Dig deep. 

If you don't want to be bitter, let it be a lesson so that you do not repeat

If you don't want to be reckless,  do not let greed/power/fame be your motivation (you will sell yourself short and toss your morals to the wind to get it)

If you want to be a queen, you decide your worth (not your relationship, your job, what kind of car you drive, house you live in, etc) Check for you worth inwardly!!

...And if we want the world (and our men) to respect us then we have to respect one another!

August 11, 2017

BEING INTENTIONAL

Top: Forever 21 | Pants: Topshop | Shoes: Zara | Scarf: thrift







I've been super uninspired lately. I'm probably just overthinking. I want this blog to be a place of inspiration/motivation for woman but I charge myself with perfection in my writing and transparency. It's super funny because this is the exact reason why I didn't pursue a career in journalism. I never wanted to loose my passion to write in "having to do it", if that makes sense. I picked up writing back when I was in [what] junior high school. I used to write little stupid poems about the popular boy I liked or whatever. Then I started writing more after my "first love" ended in what I thought at the time was the worst of ways. For me writing is always easier when I'm (for lack of a better word) sad or things aren't exactly working out the way I want. Is that weird? Can anyone else relate? Well either way I like to do it in my own time when my thoughts are natural & free flowing. I never want to feel like I am forcing it or forcing a narrative but what I do want is to make sure that I'm putting a positive spin on whatever it is I'm writing. The issue that I am running into is that life doesn't always work like that. And I can't always wrap my experiences up in a nice little bow. There are days when I am super excited about my journey and others when I don't even want to get out my bed to face the day. This week has been a lot of the latter and I am still trying to figure out why. It's like I wake up in a pit and can't turn it around. What I do know is that staying in bed won't help me get any closer to the life that I want. So I'm trying really hard to be intentional in my efforts. If I want to be the best version of myself I have to be intentional about being that person. If I want meaningful relationships I have to be intentional about improving my connections. So even though I find myself not wanting to jump out the bed and greet the day I am intentional about doing so. Right now working out is my something to look forward to when I wake up. This week it has been the thing that gets me out of bed. So that's a start. Working out is also known to help with anxiety, stress, and insomnia. I've seen improvement in all of these areas this week. "Free the endorphins" lol. I think another realization I have come to this week is that I don't use my time wisely. If I can't be wise with what I have now how can God trust me with more? Most people relate that to finances but for me it also goes for my time. Would I love to be in full-time business for myself of course but if I don't use the free time I have now to focus on my career pursuits then how can he trust me with 24hrs/365 of free-time? So when I start making the best of my time I know that God will make a way for me to have more. For this reason I am up forcing my hand this morning! Gotta start somewhere. So I end this week with productivity. I woke up in a pit; I worked out, made some breakfast and (being intentional) instead of going to my room to eat and fool myself into thinking I can get work done in bed I brought my computer downstairs into a main area in the crib and voila; a new post. What are some ways you guys break free of your pits? Is it by finding that thing you can look forward to each day? xo
































July 30, 2017

WHAT'S A COMFORT ZONE?

| Dress: Aqua | Shoes: Zara | 













If I could live in one color for the rest of my life it would be black. It all began when I started at a new school for freshman year of high. Of course everyone changes schools for high school but I like to be in environments  and around people that I am familiar and this I was not. There were a ton of changes going on at the time; we moved out of my childhood home, new area, new school, had to make new friends. A lot for a girl with a mild case of anxiety to take in. So, my angst sky rocketed to an all time high and caused me to start perspiring a ton. In order to hide it I wore black. And that was the beginning of my hiding in comfort zones. Now that I think about it this probably began my battle with hiding in the shadows and shying away from social settings. I didn't want anyone to get close enough to realize that I in fact was imperfect. * self discovery on the spot*. So anyway time went on and wearing all black became the chic thing so I kinda just held onto it. The closest thing to color that I would wear was grey. So before I loose you, why am I talking about black when I have a white dress on? Well this is me breaking free of a comfort zone that I have had for about 15 years. All this time I would cringe at the idea of wearing color. It was black in and out of season. I am now working on embracing things in my wardrobe that make me uncomfortable like: white, color, shorts, off the shoulder, sleeveless or ANYTHING NOT BLACK. This is just a starting point as I am working towards shaking off all the comfort zones that I have built up in my life like: staying in DC, living at home, avoiding social settings or going places alone (a win: i frequently date myself to the movies) embracing smallness, etc. So this is me; Alexia, a gal in her late 20's trying to build a new foundation to live her best life! xx

July 23, 2017

STAY PUT

Jacket: Lucy Paris | Top: Zara | Shorts: Sade and Sage | Shoes: Zara | Purse: thrift







Have you ever noticed how discontent leads to more discontent? I can think back on many times in my life where I could not wait to reach a certain season or milestone but upon doing so the new struggles that came with it made me want out as badly as I wanted in. This is literally why God calls us to be content and wait. Every trial we are experiencing now is to prepare us for what is to come. We must trust that God knows best because he really does. He knows if we are ready and he knows if he can trust us with the thing we want so badly. Also, rushing ahead of God will have you repeating the very season you ran from. Many of us want to lead before we follow. But God has placed you in this very season to teach you endurance, patience, contentment and to grow your faith. There is nothing wrong with setting goals and putting in the work to achieve them but God says that he will give us the desires of our heart "if" they align with his will and in his timing. This is why it is so important to be in tune with his voice. So many times he is telling us to wait on Him but because we aren't in tune we only hear what we want therefore causing us to rush into the next thing. I can remember when I was in retail. I wanted to get promoted so badly, but every time I knocked I got a no. This went on for what felt like forever. If I had been in tune to God's voice I probably would have heard him telling me to wait. I knew I wanted to have my own business and not grow within one but my eyes were fixed on the present. I didn't have hope for my future so I wanted a safety net and a title now. This lead me to continue my pursuit of a promotion until I finally got a yes. I was so excited (temporarily) but this particular yes meant that I would be working further away from home, longer hours, tougher boss and more responsibility than I had bargained for. Basically the grass was not greener. Of course I was up for the task but like I said, this thing that I wanted so bad wasn't as amazing as what I had fantasized it to be. It came with its own set of trials and forced me to step out of the shadows, especially if I wanted to continue to move up. My work was stellar but I was constantly overlooked because of my shy demeanor. So like I said, I was in such a rush to reach this season while God was telling me Alexia you are not ready. As an associate he was trying to teach me boldness, confidence, resilience, and leadership skills that would have served me well in my promotion but I was so busy wanting to get ahead that I landed myself out of his will. Then in the new position I was forced to learn these qualities while pretty much under the gun. It was tough at first. So many days I felt inadequate and even though I thrived in my work I still couldn't find my voice. So just as badly as I wanted this new position I wanted out. Like I said discontent just leads to more discontent. Eventually I left this job for something new which came with a pay increase but also required me to lead in boldness and confidence. Its a cycle, I rushed out of one season into another season and then into another ahead of God. Each time he was like nah, your not getting away from this lesson. He wanted me to know that he is in control and that he has placed me in certain environment to grow and refine me. I eventually want to have a clothing business of my own. How am I going to do that if I like to fly under the radar? It's impossible! Now being in tune with his voice I see that he is using my current season to teach me that I need to speak up, ask questions,  walk in boldness,  and confidence. So although my current job is super high stress, long crazy hours and not in my career path, I refuse to move. God has placed me here for a reason. Not for me to be lazy but to learn how to manage my stress, rely on Him, speak/walk boldly in my truth and BE A BOSS. I know what I want for my life and I strive towards it daily but I also recognize the importance of being content in the present while hopeful for the future cuz God has my back in both.






July 8, 2017

WHO YOU WANT TO BE




Self love is such a journey. I honestly had to change my entire mindset in order to give in to the process. I've been wanting a quick fix but I am learning that it is going to take work to uproot the foundation of negativity and self doubt that I have laid over the last decade. It really starts with my thoughts. [ thoughts > feelings > behaviors]. I have done a really good job of allowing my negative thoughts to create negative feelings and negative/ self destructive behaviors to follow. So I have started checking my negative thoughts at the door. Until pointed out to me I never realized how detrimental our thoughts can be to our way of life. I can think of many occasions where I woke up thinking "today is going to be a bad day", which ignited feelings of drowsiness, depression and anxiety", therefore leading to behaviors like not giving my best at work, or staying in bed all day. Like I said self destructive.  Upon acknowledging this I am trying a new thing. (always about a new thing these days, lol). While on this journey to becoming my best self I stopped focusing on who I am now, but instead I speak on the woman that I want to be. What does she look like? So I made a list & on those days when I feel like I'm failing myself or in moments where my anxiety, self doubt, or negativity are trying to take over I speak on the woman I want to be. And when I say speak I mean out loud. Alexia you are confident. You are enough. You are a go-getter. You have purpose. I also challenge myself. Why are you anxious? What is the worse thing that could happen if you speak up, or share yourself with the world? And have you gotten thru this before? Such a big one. When you are going thru a challenging time it feels like there is no way you are going to come out on the other side. But just remember, you got thru it before. Is it going to be easy? Heck no! Are you going to be happy everyday? Not! But can this challenge help propel you towards your destiny, and best self? HECK YEAH!!! I tell myself this everyday, no one ever grew in their comfort zone. It's the times of great trials where we get to see what we are made of!!! Keep that in mind and just keep going! You got this! So heres my list, I hope it will inspire you to start working toward believing you are who you want to be!

My best self:
- No complaining here
- Letting God do His thing
- Smile more
- Embrace flaws
- Nobody has what I have to offer
- Kicking to the curb that which isn't meant for me
- Chasing those dreams
- What others think don't matter
- Authentic (I'm so here) 
- Identity in Christ alone
- Ain't no relationship gonna define me
- Kicking butt
- Depression and anxiety / what's that?
- Glass half full