November 16, 2017

DEM GOALS








Do y'all mind if I brag on myself a little bit? Self acceptance, love, care and awareness were kind of the trending topics for woman in the african american community this year. Personally I'm not a go with the trend of the moment kinda girl but I'm so glad that I got on board. It was empowering and encouraging to see woman of color stand for themselves and say no more. No more taking care of everyone and everything other than myself. No more putting off my dreams. No more standing in the shadows. No more shooting for anything other than the stars. We got woke this year & realized we bomb. & that's true whether we knee deep in our dream career or just starting, in a relationship or single, living in our dream home/apt/living at home, etc. We winning because even with all the garbage thrown at us we always manage to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off & continue to glow. Maybe it's just me but I feel hella magical!! I'm ready to leave a trail of glitter wherever this next year takes me and I know it's going to be good because my God is leading the way!!!!

So earlier this week I was looking thru the notes in my phone and stumbled across a list of goals I made for 2017 sometime back in April when I decided to re-evaluate my life and be more intentional about my spiritual, mental, financial and career growth. To be honest I made the list to help me get on track but I haven't thought much of it since. Hence, I opened it with hesitation. The first goal listed under spiritual- put God first: I have clung to God this year like my life depended on it; well because it does, journal everyday: I filled 4 journals, overcome anxiety: Not only have I learned how to successfully manage my anxiety but also my depression & stress. 3 wins. So I moved on to the next category; finance- 715 credit score, it's 705 as of this week; major win, independence: well I gave my folks their credit card back and started living within my means and I took my car to the auto shop for the first time without my dad so yeah (this is a big deal if you know me),  pay off debts: I paid off my personal credit card & plan to pay off car/school debt by 2019, two wins I did not have: save $10,000 & buy a home - set for 2018. On to personal- learn more about self: the win I'm most proud of, open self to being more social: well I definitely stepped out of my comfort zone more than usual this year, be thankful for this season: yep (rejection is protection my friends) & God knows what you are and are not ready for so be intentional, and wait on Him, learn to cook- now one of my favorite things to do, read 12 books: I read 7. My non wins: watch less reality tv; I have decided to fast from TV for the remainder of the year & I am missing the season finale of Project Runway as I type this -_-, also cleanliness is something I definitely need to work on in the new year, I'm domestic but not really domestic, if that makes sense, lol. Lastly is career- blog 3/week: I updated 1/month (plan to post 1/week in both nov/dec to set the tone for the upcoming year, 25k views on site: hit 20k last week & I managed to inspire 7k with my content on social media. Non wins: natural hair ambassador: I want to see more naturals with undefined curls in print, take real estate classes: signing up for January 2018, flip a house: stay tuned in 2018.

I remember thinking if I made it half way through this list that I was a bad mamma jamma. I think God returned me to this list to bring me back to gratitude. All I can do is thank Him for guiding my steps & allowing me to see a successful year even as I kicked and screamed when he shut doors that I wanted open. Every year since I graduated college I have said "that year" was going to be "my year" and truly this year was mine. Little wins add up. My biggest win: making it a point to love my actual life while fighting intentionally for the one I want. Word to the wise: Be intention, put forth the effort and trust God!! He will not let you down!


there is nothing that can be a substitute for experience


November 9, 2017

LETTER TO MY TEENAGE SELF


Inspired by Black Girl In Om podcast #25. Great are the things I wish I could tell 16 year old Alexia. My journey has been quite a journey but I accept (even embrace) my mistakes/failures as lessons. It has lead me to this very moment. I'm truly thankful that today I am living in my purpose, being intentional and becoming the very best version of myself But every once in a while 29 year-old Alexia needs the same push 16 year old Alexia did. 

Dear Alexia,
You are beautiful. Your heart is beautiful. Your flaws are beautiful. God was intentional when he made you. There ain't a person on this Earth quite like you. Do you hear me? You are one of a kind. You are unique. You are quirky. Do not change. Embrace it. Embrace your flaws. Embrace your weaknesses. Accept your weakness. Make them work for you. Don't let words change who you are. You were meant to be you. Only you. You are awkward and that is okay. Being awkward isn't the worse thing in the world. Not even close. You were not made to fit in.  You were made to be light. You are a healer. You will change lives. And you should never be afraid to stand out. Brush opinions off, they do not serve you. Approve of your damn self. You are perfectly imperfect. You are loved. Don't hide. Don't be timid. Walk in confidence. You are enough. Approach things head on. Do not stand in the shadows. Let the sun shine on your face. Your words are important. Use them wisely. But USE THEM. Speak up. Be bold. Have balls. Take charge of your life. Only you can accomplish God's will for your life. No one else. You have everything it takes to accomplish anything you want. You are an artist. Don't deny it. Don't suppress it. Let fear drive and not cripple you. Just go for it. You are incredible. Trust yourself. Follow your instincts. Chase your dreams. Do not procrastinate. Love abundantly. It will be your greatest teacher. Love your damn self. *repeat last line * Surround yourself with people who believe in you, uplift and challenge you. Don't doubt yourself. To hell with doubt. Be intentional. Be present. Be grateful. Buck up. Your were chosen for this journey. It will be tough but worth it. Know that you are going to make mistakes but you are not your mistakes.  You are not your failures. You failures are not an indication of your future. Don't take yourself for granted. Don't worry about looking stupid. Don't worry about failing. You are gonna fail. But you are going to pick yourself up. You are going to thrive. You are going to grow. Your successes will be greater than your failures. Look people in the eyes. Mean what you say. Say what is on your heart. Don't water it down. Don't chase people. Don't dull your light.  Don't sensor yourself. Be who you are and those that are meant for you will come and stay. Leave an impression. Demand what you deserve. Leave if you need to. Trust actions over words. Don't accept bullsh*t. Know your worth. Know that you are worthy. Never, EVER, EVER compare yourself to others!!!!! There is really no comparison. Be content in your season and with your portion. Wait on God. When I say wait I don't mean be idle I mean put forth the effort and trust God for the results. Oh and do not settle. Do not waste time on basic things. You were meant for greatness. Accept the responsibility. Forgive. Do not hold onto things. You are going to get thru "this", whatever "this" may be. It's not as serious as it seems right now. Go with your gut and stop overthinking and talking yourself out of things. Dream big. And dream bigger. I love you. xx


October 22, 2017

Check-In

Jacket: thrift | Bralette: Topshop | Pant: Topshop | Shoe: Jessica Simpson


Happy Sunday. Hope you all had a wonderful weekend. This is really just a free write since I have found it very challenging to write or finish anything worth while lately. I hit a wall not in ideas, but on expanding those ideas into something worth sharing that would be uplifting and encouraging. I always want you all to leave my blog feeling better than you came. The thoughts are there, I have many floating around in my noggin but the execution is a struggle as I am in need of the encouragement that I am shelling out. Don't get me wrong, encouraging others encourages me but I just got through a week of six consecutive 15-hours shifts in a job that I am not passionate about nor that I have hope of a future in. So, needless to say I am exhausted and a little bit discouraged. But like I told my mom this morning "There is a lesson in this. God is preparing me for something greater and one day I will work 15-hour days for myself". This is my reality. God has placed me in this no future job for a reason. To learn how to lead, to learn compassion and patience, and to be obedient to Him as he prepares me for the next chapter. I can either continue to let my thoughts consume me or I can speak the word and the word says that He has given me hope and a future. I will stand on that because I know that as I am faithful to Him where I am He is working everything out for my good. I have the victory and I am going to trust Him even when it doesn't look good. Now your thinking easier to say than to live, and you would be absolutely correct. I did a little experiment this week. Lately I have felt really down on myself, waking up every morning feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and I had to wonder where these feelings were coming from. Just weeks ago I was thriving. I was attacking my negative thoughts with truth, I was actively writing for my blog at least twice a week, I was excited about my future, hopeful and truly satisfied in the trajectory of my life. For the first time I wasn't afraid of turning 29, 30...I was embracing it. Then one day out of nowhere I woke up and it was all gone. I felt sad, afraid and started doubting myself again. This went on for two whole weeks before I took a pause and dug into why these feelings surfaced. What did I realize? I wasn't guarding my heart. This was around the same time Jhene Aiko's new album had come out and I love love love me some Jhene but her music isn't for me right now. In certain seasons, certain things are just not for you. And this was not the season for love-focused music. I am dealing with a lot and literally this album was feeding the flame of all these things. Each song was giving life to a place in my heart that stores weariness, sadness, or bitterness from my past. I played New Balance, Newer Balance, You are Here and Never Call Me repeatedly and they ignited sadness, then anger, then regret, then resentment. It kept me shackled to the past and that is not where I want to live. I have an amazing future ahead of me, I know this 100% and I can't get to that amazingness holding onto the pain that my past has brought me. God kept showing me that my future is forward. Learn the lesson and move forward. Recognize the blessing and moving forward. Embrace who you are today and move forward. I am subscribed to a couple of apps like Sprinkle of Jesus and Beyond Sundays and literally everyday I get confirmations of this like God is faithful to wreck your plans before they wreck you, You can't see new beginnings if you are unwilling to make hard endings, What if giving up something will open space for something better? Like literally this was the chain of confirmation I was getting from him through the podcasts I was listening to, in the book i am currently reading and in my app notifications. God was letting me know that the things I lost do not even hold a candle to what he was bringing forth. This was the truth I needed to be feeding on, not Jhene talking about how much of a shame it would be if a dude was running game on her and how she prayed the same dude was who he was saying he was. Or how he never called her. Those are lies from the enemy set up to destroy me. I am a lover. Like my gift to those in my life is love. I know this. The enemy knows this and he knows that if I continue to live in fear of love always ending in heartbreak that I will never love again and truly I would be depriving myself and my person a great deal if I loved with walls up. So like I said certain things are not meant for you certain seasons. I had to realize that sometimes you have to give up things that you love in order to preserve yourself & the space and energy around you. All that to say that I immediately deleted the album from my phone. And this week I only listened to gospel or my favorite uplifting podcasts during my commute. It made a difference. This is not to say that there weren't days that I had to battle with myself but on those days I didn't reach for things that were destructive, instead I reached for truth in the word of God, affirmations pod, & my favorite songs Hang On by G E I and You Are My Strength My Strength by William Murphy. Don't let what you don't know about your future destroy the joy God wants to give you today!!!

*Sidenote: the minute I finished writing this post I felt the overwhelming urge to take a listen to that album knowing it isn't good for my emotional well being. The enemy is trying to deter me from the path. Stand strong in your convictions and stay on guard. He is like a lion waiting to devour *





September 22, 2017

IT ALL MATTERS

DRESS: ZARA | SHOES: ZARA | SUNGLASSES: OLD | BAG: VINTAGE




I got some really tough news this week. Its been sitting with me for days and I just can't shake it. A cloud of brokenness is literally strangling the life from my generation. Everyone's walking around with pretend smiles while broken inside. No one wants to be vulnerable anymore. Fake it till you make it, the death of genuine men and woman. Everyone has walls up, afraid to look like they aren't "keeping up". When did struggle become a stigma? When did the journey to success become unacceptable. I read this quote the other day that said Every success is trailed by multiple failures. Why does everyone wants to skip that part? We wanna max out our credit cards to buy the latest designer bag now, or go into debt buying the latest 2018 luxury car instead of making the necessary sacrifices now to live well later, when we can actually afford it. Why are we more worried about "keeping up" than building? Everyone is afraid to look like less than everyone else's highlight reel. Keep the broke inside, slap a smile on your face and put one foot in front of the other. Mask it. Hide it. No one has to know. The result: Broken hearts. Broken spirits. Broken dreams. Broken families. So just a little about me. I went to school for psychology. I started college in 2006, right as the recession hit. Fashion was unpredictable and psychology was stable. So I signed my life over to my second choice. By third year I was acing all my core classes but I didn't feel happy or fulfilled. I was having panic attacks every other day. My heart was with fashion. And I knew I couldn't keep trying to suppress it. I knew I would regret doing something that I didn't love love just for the sake of a six figure salary. So I got my degree and never looked back. But that girl is still in there. The girl with crazy intuition, a love for people and a gift for healing and reconciliation is still in there. She never left. I care about people. My heart breaks for people whose hearts are broken. So I now feel God's calling on my life to do something to heal my generation. I know that I can't help everyone, wish i could but I do want to be apart of the change that I want to see in the world. I want to be apart of the uplifters, healers, motivators, leaders who dismantle the cloud I was talking about. I want to see more transparency. The struggle to glory, because success is not overnight. So it starts with me. More often then not I forget how lucky I am to have the family and friends that I do. Off the top of my head I can easily name 10+ people who I know that I know that I know love and care for me deeply. This is not the norm and I take it so for granted. And then something devastating happens close to home and I realize how truly blessed I am. I am not going to get into detail about what has my heart heavy BUT i will say that it is so important that we are mindful of how we treat people and what we say out of our mouths. It matters. I'm going to say that again because I need you to understand that IT MATTERS. It matters to the people around you, the people who love you and even the stranger you pass on the street. The people closest to us have the ability to hurt us the most. We cannot be so mindless about our actions or frivolous with our words. Especially our words. You can either speak life or you can speak death. You can be the reason someone steps away from the ledge or you can be their final straw. So be present. Please, please please, take a second to think about the affect that your words and actions will have on someone before you move forward to do or speak. I really cannot say this enough. Speak life. Speak hope. Speak restoration. Speak healing. Speak reconciliation. Speak forgiveness. Speak love. Always be quick to tell the people you love and care about how much they mean to you. Do not take them for granted thinking that they will always be there or that they already know. And if you have the ability to make someones day, make someone's day. Be transparent when you can because your story may be what someone needs to pursue their dream. Your encouraging word may be the motivation someone needs to get out of bed in the morning. Your expression of care or concern may be the ah ha moment someone needs to get help for their struggle with mental illness, abuse, addiction, etc. Your spoken "i love you" of act of love can be someone's next breath.

September 8, 2017

WHAT'S THE HOLD UP








Jacket: Zara | Bustier: Topshop | Shoes: Zara 

I'm beyond exhausted of being asked that day old question: "why am I single?" Mainly in part because the sentence right after goes something like "you must be picky or difficult". If I wanna talk about the "worldly" reasons why I am single this could take all day. But my pause is completely a spiritual/personal decision to take time & take care of me so that I can be the woman that the man God fashioned for me deserves. Highly doubtful that I'm the only girl who still believes that God has one person for every person. But the truth is that we were all made to love one person only. Literally dating anyone other than that person is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole or what ever other shapes that don't fit together. It just doesn't work. And it will never work. No matter how much you love someone. No matter how much you give. No matter how hard you try to be the person for that person, it just won't work. So I guess what I am saying is that I am on pause for the square to fit my square or whatever. It's super funny (but not) that every time I have a conversation on dating with someone of the opposite sex. That conversation pretty much goes like... "tell me what your like in a relationship so I can tell you what you should be like". But the thing is that I cannot be fixed, not to be what any man other than my "square" needs or deserves. As far as relationships, I don't have many to speak of. I tend to go after those emotionally unavailable guys out there. You know, the ones that need fixing; the damsel in distress guy. At 28, I have survived two committed relationships and a bunch of "what are we's". My last relationship ended five years ago (insert flushed faced emoji here) but staying busy with my career & friends has kept me from identifying with being "single". I was literally that friend that was okay being a third wheel. Don't get me wrong I have been incredibly lucky to experience some of the most overwhelming, insane, "your the reason I breathe" kind of love. That "I would be okay if today was my last day on Earth" kinda love. I know that sounds pretty intense but I was made to love. How deeply I love is what makes me me. And even though I had fault in all my relationships I'm pretty sure that every one of my exes would agree. But five years is a long time and I wish I could say that I used this time wisely but singleness kinda smacked me in the face more recently. One thing I can say is that love has grown me in countless ways. It has revealed strengths I never knew I had but also highlighted many areas of opportunity. So with no other choice than to confront it I am forced to determined what the best version of Lexi looks like. Relationships end and everyone wants to blame the other person but connections are never ruined by one or the other. It's a relationship and both people play a part in why it fell apart. Me, I love so hard and selflessly that when my relationships end I always feel taken advantage of. But I realize that I love out of insecurity, a need to be needed, self identity and value. I was that girl in a relationship that looked for approval like "you tell me what I like to eat, wear, and do for fun". Kinda like that girl who was supposed to marry Prince Hakeem in the beginning of Coming to America. That was me. Anything for approval. Looking back I realize how unattractive this is, it literally casts a shadow over every other thing you have going for you. And if there is one thing I have learned is that in order to have a successful relationship (or friendship even) you have to come in knowing WHO THE HECK YOU ARE. The whole you cuz your other half ain't him. Secondly, you can't be trying to sell something you don't believe in, if you don't love yourself then why should he? Third, put God first (this is honestly number 1). And lastly, your relationship should be the cherry, not the whole cupcake. For me, dating stopped being dating for fun five years ago.  My interest is in meeting my husband, the man I'm going to do life with, who is going to  lead me in the word of God, raise my children, celebrate my successes, encourage me in my failures and push me to walk in my purpose. So I really took the time to reflect on my failed relationships and determined 1) What type of man do I want to be with? Gods best, consistent, does what he says, brings out the best in me, loves me in deed, concerned for me 2) What does he feel like? Home/magic and 3) How this relationship is different? He pursues me,  I feel safe, I'm a priority. Another thing I did was write down a list of my non-negotiables on "how to love me". In writing this list I realized the #1 way to love me is to: Trust Me. I can't be with someone who is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Walls up doesn't work for me. So to my sisters out there dealing with a recent breakup or lingering residual emotions linked to a failed relationship; look forward, what you could've done different doesn't matter now. Focus on how you can be a better partner in the future. Find your happy & love will come...and it's okay if it isn't tomorrow, the next day, the next year or five. God is preparing you for him, and him for you. I think we can all agree that you don't want to end up with a rushed version or with not Gods best for you. xx

August 19, 2017

STRONGER TOGETHER


Jacket: thrifted | Skirt: H&M  | Shoes: Zara
Is anyone else fed up at how the media capitalizes off women (especially African American woman) refusing to support each other? I sure am. I just don't quite get it. Why do we feel so threatened by each other? And more importantly why do we give our attention to such nonsense? That's why the bible says to guard your heart and mind. Reality tv (which is obviously staged) now speaks true to this generation on how we "should" interact with one another. I used to live and breath reality tv until one day I realized that I was developing a spirit of lust, discontent and materialism. I started hating myself because I didn't have this success or this love, or this portrayal of beauty. Honestly reality tv is a legal form of prostitution (defined as: the unworthy or corrupt use of one's talents for the sake of personal or financial gain). Your pimp (producer) asks you to do this for the tv audience (client) in exchange for money. All these woman are slaves to fame/power making them reckless and unfortunately these are the role models our children are looking up to because it "appears" that they have it all. What also concerns me is the lack of support for one another. I just be asking myself like why does another woman's beauty threaten your beauty, or her talent/success take away from yours? It doesn't! So why can't we come together to support, encourage and challenge each other so that we can take over the world as a unit. We were all were created to give something to this life. If me and you share a vision why can't we sit across from one another and bounce ideas rather than throw drinks,  and insults? As creatives we need one another to stay motivated, or maybe that's just me. I feel most motivated and inspired after talking to my fellow sisters who are also striving/struggling/thriving in pursuit of their purpose. It gets me excited. I really want to see my woman rise above society teaching us that we have to be at war with one another. Im trying to tell y'all, they want us to be at war with each other so we won't win. We are more of a threat when we are holding hands, just saying. It is hard enough being a woman in this world, not to add a woman of color. We are at war with our men, our employers, and the culture, we do not have to be at war with each other. Lets embrace and uplift one another. Lets come together and change the narrative. We are stronger together!!! I truly believe that. I created this blog to connect with my love of fashion but it is evolving more into a place where I connect with with my sisters in attempt to create a new normal- embrace ourselves, each other, our talents and waiting seasons. I don't want to hear another man use words like weak, damaged, insecure, reckless, victim, bitter or difficult to describe one of my sisters because I know it isn't true. We are strong, we are beautiful, we are gentle, we are foundations, we are life givers, we are survivors, we are one of a kind, we are thrivers, we are magic. Sisters, we have to be the narrators of our own stories. We have to stop letting the media, the culture and men speak for us. We have to let our actions speak for us. And we can only do this together. 

If you don't want to be weak,  know what you deserve and demand it (do not ask)

If you don't want to be a victim,  leave... (point blank period and that goes for relationships/careers/friendships). Stop putting your energy into things that don't serve you. 

If you don't want to be damaged, stop focusing on your failures (make defeat your fuel)

If you don't want to be insecure, love on yourself  (and not that surface "i'm a bad bih" love) Everyone can see thru that. Dig deep. 

If you don't want to be bitter, let it be a lesson so that you do not repeat

If you don't want to be reckless,  do not let greed/power/fame be your motivation (you will sell yourself short and toss your morals to the wind to get it)

If you want to be a queen, you decide your worth (not your relationship, your job, what kind of car you drive, house you live in, etc) Check for you worth inwardly!!

...And if we want the world (and our men) to respect us then we have to respect one another!

August 11, 2017

BEING INTENTIONAL

Top: Forever 21 | Pants: Topshop | Shoes: Zara | Scarf: thrift







I've been super uninspired lately. I'm probably just overthinking. I want this blog to be a place of inspiration/motivation for woman but I charge myself with perfection in my writing and transparency. It's super funny because this is the exact reason why I didn't pursue a career in journalism. I never wanted to loose my passion to write in "having to do it", if that makes sense. I picked up writing back when I was in [what] junior high school. I used to write little stupid poems about the popular boy I liked or whatever. Then I started writing more after my "first love" ended in what I thought at the time was the worst of ways. For me writing is always easier when I'm (for lack of a better word) sad or things aren't exactly working out the way I want. Is that weird? Can anyone else relate? Well either way I like to do it in my own time when my thoughts are natural & free flowing. I never want to feel like I am forcing it or forcing a narrative but what I do want is to make sure that I'm putting a positive spin on whatever it is I'm writing. The issue that I am running into is that life doesn't always work like that. And I can't always wrap my experiences up in a nice little bow. There are days when I am super excited about my journey and others when I don't even want to get out my bed to face the day. This week has been a lot of the latter and I am still trying to figure out why. It's like I wake up in a pit and can't turn it around. What I do know is that staying in bed won't help me get any closer to the life that I want. So I'm trying really hard to be intentional in my efforts. If I want to be the best version of myself I have to be intentional about being that person. If I want meaningful relationships I have to be intentional about improving my connections. So even though I find myself not wanting to jump out the bed and greet the day I am intentional about doing so. Right now working out is my something to look forward to when I wake up. This week it has been the thing that gets me out of bed. So that's a start. Working out is also known to help with anxiety, stress, and insomnia. I've seen improvement in all of these areas this week. "Free the endorphins" lol. I think another realization I have come to this week is that I don't use my time wisely. If I can't be wise with what I have now how can God trust me with more? Most people relate that to finances but for me it also goes for my time. Would I love to be in full-time business for myself of course but if I don't use the free time I have now to focus on my career pursuits then how can he trust me with 24hrs/365 of free-time? So when I start making the best of my time I know that God will make a way for me to have more. For this reason I am up forcing my hand this morning! Gotta start somewhere. So I end this week with productivity. I woke up in a pit; I worked out, made some breakfast and (being intentional) instead of going to my room to eat and fool myself into thinking I can get work done in bed I brought my computer downstairs into a main area in the crib and voila; a new post. What are some ways you guys break free of your pits? Is it by finding that thing you can look forward to each day? xo