July 30, 2017

WHAT'S A COMFORT ZONE?

| Dress: Aqua | Shoes: Zara | 













If I could live in one color for the rest of my life it would be black. It all began when I started at a new school for freshman year of high. Of course everyone changes schools for high school but I like to be in environments  and around people that I am familiar and this I was not. There were a ton of changes going on at the time; we moved out of my childhood home, new area, new school, had to make new friends. A lot for a girl with a mild case of anxiety to take in. So, my angst sky rocketed to an all time high and caused me to start perspiring a ton. In order to hide it I wore black. And that was the beginning of my hiding in comfort zones. Now that I think about it this probably began my battle with hiding in the shadows and shying away from social settings. I didn't want anyone to get close enough to realize that I in fact was imperfect. * self discovery on the spot*. So anyway time went on and wearing all black became the chic thing so I kinda just held onto it. The closest thing to color that I would wear was grey. So before I loose you, why am I talking about black when I have a white dress on? Well this is me breaking free of a comfort zone that I have had for about 15 years. All this time I would cringe at the idea of wearing color. It was black in and out of season. I am now working on embracing things in my wardrobe that make me uncomfortable like: white, color, shorts, off the shoulder, sleeveless or ANYTHING NOT BLACK. This is just a starting point as I am working towards shaking off all the comfort zones that I have built up in my life like: staying in DC, living at home, avoiding social settings or going places alone (a win: i frequently date myself to the movies) embracing smallness, etc. So this is me; Alexia, a gal in her late 20's trying to build a new foundation to live her best life! xx

July 23, 2017

STAY PUT

Jacket: Lucy Paris | Top: Zara | Shorts: Sade and Sage | Shoes: Zara | Purse: thrift







Have you ever noticed how discontent leads to more discontent? I can think back on many times in my life where I could not wait to reach a certain season or milestone but upon doing so the new struggles that came with it made me want out as badly as I wanted in. This is literally why God calls us to be content and wait. Every trial we are experiencing now is to prepare us for what is to come. We must trust that God knows best because he really does. He knows if we are ready and he knows if he can trust us with the thing we want so badly. Also, rushing ahead of God will have you repeating the very season you ran from. Many of us want to lead before we follow. But God has placed you in this very season to teach you endurance, patience, contentment and to grow your faith. There is nothing wrong with setting goals and putting in the work to achieve them but God says that he will give us the desires of our heart "if" they align with his will and in his timing. This is why it is so important to be in tune with his voice. So many times he is telling us to wait on Him but because we aren't in tune we only hear what we want therefore causing us to rush into the next thing. I can remember when I was in retail. I wanted to get promoted so badly, but every time I knocked I got a no. This went on for what felt like forever. If I had been in tune to God's voice I probably would have heard him telling me to wait. I knew I wanted to have my own business and not grow within one but my eyes were fixed on the present. I didn't have hope for my future so I wanted a safety net and a title now. This lead me to continue my pursuit of a promotion until I finally got a yes. I was so excited (temporarily) but this particular yes meant that I would be working further away from home, longer hours, tougher boss and more responsibility than I had bargained for. Basically the grass was not greener. Of course I was up for the task but like I said, this thing that I wanted so bad wasn't as amazing as what I had fantasized it to be. It came with its own set of trials and forced me to step out of the shadows, especially if I wanted to continue to move up. My work was stellar but I was constantly overlooked because of my shy demeanor. So like I said, I was in such a rush to reach this season while God was telling me Alexia you are not ready. As an associate he was trying to teach me boldness, confidence, resilience, and leadership skills that would have served me well in my promotion but I was so busy wanting to get ahead that I landed myself out of his will. Then in the new position I was forced to learn these qualities while pretty much under the gun. It was tough at first. So many days I felt inadequate and even though I thrived in my work I still couldn't find my voice. So just as badly as I wanted this new position I wanted out. Like I said discontent just leads to more discontent. Eventually I left this job for something new which came with a pay increase but also required me to lead in boldness and confidence. Its a cycle, I rushed out of one season into another season and then into another ahead of God. Each time he was like nah, your not getting away from this lesson. He wanted me to know that he is in control and that he has placed me in certain environment to grow and refine me. I eventually want to have a clothing business of my own. How am I going to do that if I like to fly under the radar? It's impossible! Now being in tune with his voice I see that he is using my current season to teach me that I need to speak up, ask questions,  walk in boldness,  and confidence. So although my current job is super high stress, long crazy hours and not in my career path, I refuse to move. God has placed me here for a reason. Not for me to be lazy but to learn how to manage my stress, rely on Him, speak/walk boldly in my truth and BE A BOSS. I know what I want for my life and I strive towards it daily but I also recognize the importance of being content in the present while hopeful for the future cuz God has my back in both.






July 8, 2017

WHO YOU WANT TO BE




Self love is such a journey. I honestly had to change my entire mindset in order to give in to the process. I've been wanting a quick fix but I am learning that it is going to take work to uproot the foundation of negativity and self doubt that I have laid over the last decade. It really starts with my thoughts. [ thoughts > feelings > behaviors]. I have done a really good job of allowing my negative thoughts to create negative feelings and negative/ self destructive behaviors to follow. So I have started checking my negative thoughts at the door. Until pointed out to me I never realized how detrimental our thoughts can be to our way of life. I can think of many occasions where I woke up thinking "today is going to be a bad day", which ignited feelings of drowsiness, depression and anxiety", therefore leading to behaviors like not giving my best at work, or staying in bed all day. Like I said self destructive.  Upon acknowledging this I am trying a new thing. (always about a new thing these days, lol). While on this journey to becoming my best self I stopped focusing on who I am now, but instead I speak on the woman that I want to be. What does she look like? So I made a list & on those days when I feel like I'm failing myself or in moments where my anxiety, self doubt, or negativity are trying to take over I speak on the woman I want to be. And when I say speak I mean out loud. Alexia you are confident. You are enough. You are a go-getter. You have purpose. I also challenge myself. Why are you anxious? What is the worse thing that could happen if you speak up, or share yourself with the world? And have you gotten thru this before? Such a big one. When you are going thru a challenging time it feels like there is no way you are going to come out on the other side. But just remember, you got thru it before. Is it going to be easy? Heck no! Are you going to be happy everyday? Not! But can this challenge help propel you towards your destiny, and best self? HECK YEAH!!! I tell myself this everyday, no one ever grew in their comfort zone. It's the times of great trials where we get to see what we are made of!!! Keep that in mind and just keep going! You got this! So heres my list, I hope it will inspire you to start working toward believing you are who you want to be!

My best self:
- No complaining here
- Letting God do His thing
- Smile more
- Embrace flaws
- Nobody has what I have to offer
- Kicking to the curb that which isn't meant for me
- Chasing those dreams
- What others think don't matter
- Authentic (I'm so here) 
- Identity in Christ alone
- Ain't no relationship gonna define me
- Kicking butt
- Depression and anxiety / what's that?
- Glass half full